“Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it” – Maya Angelou
Guilt, shame, regrets are all related to other emotional and even physical issues within us. We all have some, if not all of these feelings to some degree. It’s a way to keep ourselves in check, self reflect and review, to learn from our mistakes. Sometimes we blame others and let anger take over as a bandaid for guilt, shame or regret. We may not even realize we’re doing this.
by Artist Paulo Zerbato
While it’s true oftentimes we do have other people or situations that we need to forgive, even if they never apologize or see the errors in their ways or past behaviors. We forgive for ourselves, to be able to let go and move on. Easier said than done, I know. I have my own issues with this.
Forgiveness is about who we were at that time. Maybe we had lower self confidence, failed to set boundaries, didn’t heed the red flags or just didn’t have the wisdom that comes with hind sight and experience. Maybe we had lessons to learn before we could learn how strong or resilient we are, or that brought us to a place where we needed to be.
Look for the events leading up to that time in your life and what you have learned from it, what you have gained from that time. Who were you then compared to who you are now and would you be the same now if that didn’t happen?
There are several ways to work on forgiveness. In Hypnotherapy and/or meditation we can have a silent conversation within our mind or deeper within your subconscious, say all that you need to say to your younger self, or another person, even if they have passed on. You can even have a conversation with a situation or event. You can write a letter to burn or bury (or both) to release it. Just get it all out of you – say what needs to be said. There are other rituals and prayers etc.
Ho‘oponopono
The Hawaiian Ho’oponopono forgiveness prayer is great for this too. It helps to put your hand on your heart and say to yourself in the mirror.
“I’m sorry”
“Please forgive me”
“Thank you”
“I love you”
Repeated as many times as needed. These words can also be used in meditation or hypnotherapy sessions to speak directly to your inner wisdom.
So many of our issues stem from the need for self love, from shame, guilt, fear or regret. I love to get to the root and watch how lives are improved, even in ways that you may not have been seeking hypnotherapy for. I so often see this is the case, someone comes to me for one reason and it ends up being something deeper – lives are transformed once you can get to the core.
Thank you so very much for being here. I always love to hear what you think of the articles. Any thoughts you have about anything here, or even suggestions for other articles.
Please take care, inside and out.
Pamela CHt
Contact me with any concerns or questions, or to book your free consultation. Use the contact form on the home page, or email me directly at Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com You may even text anytime at all or call and leave a message. 916-400-0889
Why should I be thankful for my traumas? I would gladly have skipped that part of my life. That was the worst time or event in my life, why should I be thankful? “I deserve to be mad/sad/fearful…”
I’m sure you read the title and thought of one of those questions or statements above. I don’t blame you, no one wants to go through something traumatic.
The hard truth is, that we cannot go back, we cannot change the past. Traumatizing experiences will get worse over time rather than better if we’re only angry with it. The anger, fears, the shame, the blame or sorrow causes you to keep this nagging ache within yourself. It will become you. Others may think or ask. what’s wrong with them, they’re always so down or angry. Don’t let the answer be that this terrible thing happened years ago….
That thing that happened, or that part of your life is NOT YOU.
Many will cover up the emotions with smoking, drinking, legal or illegal drug use, or use shopping, work, extreme fitness, or other risky behaviors. They try to forget, or numb, these emotions. Others live in a sad, fearful or anxious state throughout most of their lives; barely just existing. Again, no, we certainly cannot go back and change the past. Believe me, I know the feeling of wishing I could forget parts of my life, or not had to live through certain events.
Only in the last year or two have I begun to see all that I have learned, and how much I’ve grown as a person, as a soul for having lived through everything I have. I have more empathy, less judgement, but most importantly, I am where I am because of those events. One stepping stone after the other led me to right here right now. One fall after the other gave me strength every time I got up. I now know how strong, resilient and capable I am now.
Being thankful for the traumatic events in your life doesn’t mean to downplay or belittle your pain at all. It doesn’t mean to say you cannot, or should not be angry or upset about it. Please let out those emotions, if you have not acknowledged that pain, that’s not healthy either.
Something that helps is, while alone or in hypnotherapy, have a mental conversation with a person from your past, or even with a situation you have experienced. Let it all out, yell, or just silently to yourself, say all that comes to mind about it, without filters, just let it out. You may feel better to write it all out, and burn and/or bury it in the dirt.
Personally, a couple things I’ve done; I have written a long letter and burned it (in my fireplace). I have done meditations to cut the cords, which can be done in hypnotherapy as well. You then have that tool to do this on your own as many times as needed. I wrote a book, my whole life story out – childhood traumas, other later life traumas, not just the traumas, but all the ups and downs of life. I have a story and I believe it will help others if I ever get it published. Just the act of writing it all out, all of it, was very therapeutic and I highly recommend you try it. (edit/update: I’ve also written out the story of my past traumatic experiences in a blogpost, in 3 parts, also with the the importance of telling your story) “Your Story Matters”
Another way I have let it out was through creative expression. I started painting just over a year ago. I never had tried it before in my adult life. I always admired artists and art of all kinds. I just decided one day to look where I felt unbalanced. This was long after EMDR therapy, after getting out of my darkest times and already feeling much better. My life was starting to look up in many ways. So by just paying attention to what was yet out of balance I realized it was lacking anything creative. A creative outlet, or a way to express myself, so I decided to buy a small paint set just for the fun of it. It has truly been therapeutic, and has allowed me to express more than I even thought I had within me.
Once the anger, fear or sorrow is out of you, or even during the process of healing, then you can ask yourself what you have learned from that, what you have learned about you, as a person. How that has shaped your life in a positive way. Even if it’s just to have the tools to help another someday. You may have changed locations, or careers, gotten out of a bad relationship, or into a certain hobby or volunteer work because of what you had been through.
Sometimes we have to have the rug pulled out from under us, our whole world turned upside down, for us to land where we need to be. Where we can shine and be our best selves, where we can best serve others or make a positive impact.
Would you have known your own greatness, your own gifts and graces without having been through that? I know I would not be the person I am, or be where I am in life had my life been devoid of at least some of my traumatic events.
It sure is easier said than done. It may take a little while to process and live through the storm to change perspective. You need to decide if you will let this time in your life or this event keep you down or you will get by day by day, moment by moment in hope that you will get past it, better days are ahead if you want them to be. It sometimes just takes that shift in thinking to start to move out from under the place that trauma put you in.
Personally, a couple things I’ve done; I have written a long letter and burned it (in my fireplace). I have done meditations to cut the cords, which can be done in hypnotherapy.
You then have that tool to do this on your own as many times as needed. I wrote a book, my whole life story out – childhood traumas, other later life traumas, not just the traumas, but all the ups and downs of life. I have a story and I believe it will help others if I ever get it published. Just the act of writing it all out, all of it, was very therapeutic and I highly recommend you try it.
Girl Before A Mirror, 1932 by Pablo Picasso
Another way I have let it out was through creative expression. I started painting just over a year ago. I never had tried it before in my adult life. I always admired artists and art of all kinds. I just decided one day to look where I felt unbalanced. This was long after EMDR therapy, after getting out of my darkest times and already feeling much better. My life was starting to look up in many ways. So by just paying attention to what was yet out of balance I realized it was lacking anything creative. A creative outlet, or a way to express myself, so I decided to buy a small paint set just for the fun of it. It has truly been therapeutic, and has allowed me to express more than I even thought I had within me.
Once the anger, fear or sorrow is out of you, or even during the process of healing, then you can ask yourself what you have learned from that, what you have learned about you, as a person. How that has shaped your life in a positive way. Even if it’s just to have the tools to help another someday. You may have changed locations, or careers, gotten out of a bad relationship, or into a certain hobby or volunteer work because of what you had been through..
Would you have known your own greatness, your own gifts and graces without having been through that? I know I would not be the person I am, or be where I am in life had my life been devoid of at least some of my traumatic events.
One thought or decision can change your whole life. Decide to make it another day, decide to work on healing, do something different, something positive, decide that a life well lived is the best revenge, decide that hope exists. Know that life is changing all the time, day by day maybe not so much without effort, but look back 5 years ago, or even one year ago, it changes and sometimes those changes are very good ones.
Breakthrough Hypnotherapy will help you to change your mindset. It will help break through those blocks and barriers that have been building since childhood. Contact me for a consolation to find out how Breakthrough Hypnotherapy may help you. Also , please feel free to reach out anytime with any questions or concerns. I love to hear from you all. Thank you for reading, thank you for being here.
I’ve had clients come to me with a laundry list of issues, and ask “Can you fix me?” Well, no, I can’t fix you, mainly because you’re not broken. You’re human.
I would love to work with you to help you to release the blocks or limiting beliefs that are making you feel stuck or broken.
Truth be told, no one can, or should, take on that responsibility to “fix” you. No one should take that away from you, or deprive you of the growth and empowerment that comes from overcoming obstacles, or seeing that light at the end of the tunnel for yourself. I love seeing clients begin to have a breakthrough – sometimes it happens during a session, they have some great epiphany, other times, it’s a slower, cumulative process. It’s such an honor to be a witness of the light coming back into their lives.
Only you can “fix” you, but first you must realize that you’re not broken. You may feel that way, and believe me, I know that feeling. Most of us do at some point in our lives, or it comes and goes throughout our lives. We may think ‘what the heck is wrong with me?’ during our worst days, or years even.
Life is full of ups and downs, full of darker times and lighter times. Not unlike the seasons (I know, I see you rolling your eyes). Not to downplay your feeling of being broken, or any mental health issues at all by saying essentially, well it’s just life. However, I do believe it is human nature. The media, as well as social media, may make us even harder on ourselves. Listening to armchair/wannabe therapists. Even our well meaning friends and family who think they know what’s best for you, or worse yet, tell you to just breath, smile, to snap out of it, or “just…..” as if it’s so easy, or a choice.
In my personal life, the darkest lowest times are what brought me to the best times. I can see it clearly now. At the lowest times I was suicidal, fearful and barely able to function. I would have been so happy to skip those days/years, but those times were a catalyst, a stepping stone, something I absolutely had to go through to get to where I am now, only now I can see that.
Not only can I appreciate the light after being in the dark, but I’m better able to be a voice and an ear for those who need it. I have the heart, the empathy and true understanding that I may not have had if I didn’t go through my own traumatic events. No two people, no two lives are the same, and although the things I’ve been through may not be the same as you, I know how it feels to feel broken.
I now trust that everything happens in its own right timing because of this. Like the fruit on the tree, the baby chick in the egg, the flower bud etc….. If you try to bring it to fruition too early, it won’t be as good. (yes I love metaphors – I really do)
The success of any kind of therapy, or mental health treatment is more of a guidance, a bridge to help you cross those troubled waters. However, as I’ve mentioned before, success is dependent on you. It’s something you have to be committed to, and not believe that anything or anyone is magic or has that ability to just “fix” you.
At the very least it does take some commitment and desire to change, which can be scary, but to want something different even if you don’t know what that is, to want something different more than you want to stay where you are in your mind, or life.
You can go get your car fixed, but I will gladly guide you to your personal breakthrough so you can use the obstacles as stepping stones.
I love hearing from you all, I’d love to hear what you thought of this article, or others. Any questions or concerns, or suggestions for other articles, please feel free to reach out anytime! You can use the contact form on the home page, HypnoBreakthrough.com or email directly at Pamela@hypnoBreakthrough.com
What does this really mean? Living your best life, living life to the fullest, or to your highest potential. Can you envision this for yourself? How would that look if you were living your best life? Does it all just sound somewhat meaningless, cliche or vague?
We all have a story.
We all have a story that has kept us from living our best life. We have all been down at some point. We can point to a time that was the worst or the lowest point in our lives.
If you don’t have a story such as this, you are probably under 30 years old. I’ll tell you though, as a woman in my 50’s, when I was in my 30’s, I thought I had a story of my lowest point, but that was nothing. It changes, as you live and age and experience life. This isn’t meant to be depressing. This is about transformation, not giving up and having hope.
Learning to say “no” to what isn’t right for you, setting boundaries, learning from mistakes or regrets in life. There are some who latch on to their worst time in their life story, and relive it, over and over, making it their identity. Stuck in this revolving door of “if only”, with regrets, or a feeling that this is just how it is now.
If we can step back from this story, and yes, it’s good and helpful to acknowledge, share and speak up about our story for many reasons, but if we can step back, look at the lessons, what do I have to learn from this?Where can I do better now? What changes can I make, no matter how small – gratitude journal, drinking more water, getting in touch with an old friend, cleaning out a closet or just allow ourselves to daydream of something better etc. We will begin to become unstuck. We will begin to move ahead and live, rather than just exist, stuck and not really living.
“Never Give Up!”
I do believe that we need to keep on pushing through and not give up on life. However, I think many interpret this as, not giving up on something (or someone) that clearly isn’t working in your life. Learn to know when enough is enough, when it’s time to let go and move on. By sticking in a toxic situation or working so hard at a goal or dream that you are beating yourself up daily over not attaining it yet, you are giving up on life, on living each day in peace and with joy.
Sometimes a dream, a goal isn’t meant to happen until later in life. Sometimes more experience or education is needed, or something else needs to happen first, to be cleared away, to open that door or clear that path of the obstacles.
I’ve had this experience in my own life with hypnotherapy. I started 10 years ago and was pretty disappointed that it never came to be, and was stuck with a career that wasn’t a good fit for me. I now realize after all I’ve been through in the 10 years, I am much better prepared and ready to do what I do now so much better than I would have been if it happened as planned 10 years ago. Also trying to save a marriage that eventually almost ended my life.
See, sometimes you do need to give up, let go, move on. What is meant to be will in the end, I truly believe this.
Feeling alive.
Living your best life is feeling alive. Living and not just existing. Living your best life is being excited about life. Looking forward to something, enjoying most of your days. This doesn’t mean every day is an adventure, although for some it may, but if you enjoy your day, are pleased with your life, even the daily mundane things; I love my living room rug, furniture and wall art, they bring me peace, and are aesthetically pleasing. I love my husband, and truly enjoy his company and sharing a life with him. When I go about my day I’m happy about the things in it. I have hobbies I enjoy and cute pets. I feel I’m living my best life, because of these little things that bring me joy daily, and because I do have plans for the future and take time to visualize these as if they are here now.
I’m excited for my future, even in my 50’s. I don’t mind if I have an off day, it doesn’t feel good at the time, but I can take the day to relax and rejuvenate, and I’m so thankful I have the freedom to do that. So do I consider that I’m living my best life? Absolutely.
I know there are ups and downs. I have a story as I’ve mentioned I have had a time in my life not only taking it one day at a time, but one moment at a time, and I’m still here. I knew, or at least had hope, that it would change. I didn’t give up on life, even though I knew I had to give up on my life as it was, as I knew it at certain times, in the long run, my life is much better. The dream that I thought was gone and I wasn’t going to be able to make happen in this life, is unfolding now. It showed up clearly for me at the right time, and other new amazing things that I could never have dreamed up. This is living my best life.
I believe we all have this within us. If you are feeling depressed or anxious or just stuck just existing, and not really fully living, hypnotherapy is one way to help you get unstuck. Breakthrough Hypnotherapy will help you dig deep within and release those blocks and limiting beliefs, to help you move forward, finally free to live your life to the fullest, to your highest potential. Live your best life!
Yes you! If you can’t even imagine “living your best life” let me help you find it within yourself.
The consultations for Breakthrough Hypnotherapy are always no-cost and no-obligation, and upon request will include a sample basic overall well being session to see if it’s right for you. Please always feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns. Or just share your thoughts on this article or others. You can use the contact form on the homepage, or email directly.
The domino effect as we know, is a metaphor to describe how one thing leads to another. One block falls over, and causes the rest to fall.
People will often come to me overwhelmed. Listing many issues and wondering if their difficulties are too big, or too many to be helped by hypnotherapy. Sometimes they will tell me one minor issue, which is just a symptom of something deeper.
It can be an event in life that leads to this symptom and then that leads to another …. and so on and so forth. Oftentimes there is childhood trauma, an event, experience or even words spoken to a child, that would not ordinarily be considered trauma, which can lead to mental health issues as they grow into adulthood. Then possibly escalate over time, knocking down one block after the other.
This then can then blow up or build up, to bigger issues in adulthood. You may not even realize this is related. The subconscious stores all the life events, that consciously we may not even be aware of. There are too many possible examples to mention.
However, Hypnotherapy will help release blocks, obstacles, and limiting beliefs caused by these life events. Hypnotherapy is a straight pathway to the subconscious, bypassing the conscious mind, going deep within to release what needs to be released. You may even be surprised that other areas of your life are improving, having breakthroughs you did not even expect.
Hypnotherapy is not magic, although it can feel that way. Depending on the severity of the issues, it may take some time. Some issues may also need the help of a medical doctor or psychiatrist. Hypnotherapy is a great place to start and is very helpful as a complementary modality for these deeper, more severe issues.
You do not even have to have any major issues, or know what they are, to feel the benefits of hypnotherapy. I offer one complimentary sample session to get a feel for how hypnotherapy works. I believe just about everyone could benefit from hypnotherapy. It’s really a shame that many people are afraid to try it, or have a fear of hypnotherapy, mainly caused by the media. I addressed this in a previous article; Why is there a stigma about Hypnotherapy
Please always feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns, or just your thoughts on this, or other articles on the website. I love to hear from you. You can reach me by using the contact form on the home page, text anytime at all 916-400-0889 or email Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com
Consultations are always free of charge with no obligation. Your information is never shared in any way. I look forward to hearing from you.
Finding Your Own Spiritual Truth through Hypnotherapy.
If you feel lost on your spiritual path, you are not alone. So many people are feeling a pull, a calling, towards something deeper or perhaps higher, something more meaningful and authentic.
Personal spiritual truth is not specifically about religion, religious practices or belief systems, although it can be, for you. Personal spiritual truth is as individual as are people. It can be hard to find anyone to discuss this with. We all come from our own backgrounds, deep rooted beliefs and values. People tend to feel strongly about their personal spiritual beliefs. Many are protective, and sensitive when asked to consider something else, which can make it hard to discuss with an open mind.
If you are unsure of your spiritual path when asking others, you will usually get sort of a ‘sales pitch’ for their religious or spiritual group. I’m not suggesting that there is anything wrong with exploring different religions, churches and spiritual groups. In fact, that’s very good to do on your quest. However, I’m suggesting that you look within yourself to find what is right and true for you.
The true spiritual quest is not somewhere outside of you, it is, in fact, deep within that you will find your own answers. Your subconscious mind is your very own inner knowing. Your authentic self resides there and your own answers can only be found there. What is right and true for you, may not be right and true for another, and that’s perfectly fine. The spiritual path or journey is as individual as it is all connected.
“To thine own self be true” – William Shakespeare
“We are all just walking each other home.” – Ram Dass
“I cannot tell you any spiritual truth that deep within you don’t know already. All I can do is remind you of what you have forgotten” – Eckhart Tolle
Breakthrough Hypnotherapy will help you to dive deep within your own soul space. Helping you to find your own personal truth. It is there for you, waiting for you to just open the door. Are you ready?
Contact me for your free consultation for more information, to get any questions or concerns addressed and help you decide if now is the right time to dig deep within.
Thank you so much for being here. I would love to hear your thoughts on this article or any of the others. Please reach out anytime using the contact from on the homepage here, or through direct email at Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com
Yes, absolutely you can! Manifesting is more than wishing, hoping, praying, writing it down and affirmations.
To manifest anything, the main thing to know is that you have to clearly visualize it, and you have to get the feeling as if it has already manifested. Now I’m not talking about that expensive car, or more money magically showing up in your bank account (although I believe these things can, and do happen with manifesting techniques)
Some examples are:
Passing a big test: Before a big test, imagine passing with flying colors. Just imagine how that would feel, go through it in your mind’s eye as if it was playing out in front of you. How would that feel to know all the answers as each question comes up? How would you feel seeing that BIG A+ or 100% or even “Passed” after the test was completed and graded? Would you shout out “YES!” jumping for joy, or close your eyes and silently say to yourself “yes” feeling relieved and thankful, either way, THAT is the feeling you’re going for, visualize THAT, feel it and play it out in your mind.
Weight loss: How about to lose that extra weight, what clothes would you wear that you don’t wear now? What activities would you do, or what would you be able to do with more comfort and more easily than with the extra weight? How would that feel to see yourself pushing that plate away with food still on it, with a little smile to yourself, knowing you’re full. When last week you would have eaten it all anyway because it tastes good. What numbers would see on the scale or more importantly, in the vital signs or blood lab tests? Visualize your doctor being proud of you, smiling at you, giving you a good report, rather than warning you about the extra weight. See clearly your closest friends and loved ones complimenting you on a job well done. Most importantly, looking in the mirror and smiling at what you see there. Get THAT feeling, visualize THAT! How will you feel when, not “if”!
Confidence: How would it feel to stand up for yourself? To happily do something new with excitement, a calm curiosity and wonderment, something out of your comfort zone and realizing afterwards how great that felt, and how proud you are of yourself. Can you just imagine going that extra mile in your exercise program, winning that race or even going past your own personal best?
How about walking into the boss’s office feeling confident when you ask for that raise, give them your ideas, or even put in your two weeks notice, finally leaving that dead-end job. Can you imagine that feeling of just calmly and assuredly saying “no” to something, or someone that isn’t right for you without giving an explanation. Just imagine that feeling when you realize at the end of the day, that you didn’t smoke a full pack of cigarettes that day. Can you see yourself being able to stay calm, while someone is inviting you to an argument, just walking away in peace, declining that invitation?
Manifesting
What other examples can you think of? What would you like to see change in your life? How can Hypnotherapy help?
Sure, visualizing in meditation helps. Daily affirmations help too. Writing it down is a good way to reinforce your visualizations, and I will very likely give you that as “homework” between sessions if you work with me. After all, you will only get out of any type of therapy program what you put into it. Hypnotherapy, as in any type of therapy, is a progressive process, and has a cumulative effects It’s a team effort, not magic.
Hypnotherapy helps you to not only visualize the outcome you want, but helps to dig deep to release the blocks and obstacles your subconscious is holding in. You may not even be aware, but your subconscious knows. Hypnotherapy is a strait pathway to your subconscious mind where all the habits, patterns, blocks and limitations are stored.
Do you have any changes you need to make? Or that you would just like to manifest into your life?
Consultations are always free of charge, with no obligations whatsoever. Contact me to schedule your phone consultation, get any questions or concerns answered, and see how Breakthrough Hypnotherapy can help you manifest those positive lifestyle changes.
Thank you so much for being here. I would love to hear your thoughts on this article or any of the others. Please reach out anytime using the contact from on the homepage, or through direct email at Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com
We learn what romantic love is by our example from our parents, or other adults in our lives as we grow up. Although we know logically it’s not real, we look to movies and T.V. shows for this example as well. Do you see a problem with this? Although there are those of you that have had a positive example of a loving relationship from your parents, sadly, it’s few and far between. It’s no wonder so many cannot commit, or divorce soon after marriage.
Since the internet, and the world wide web, dating has changed dramatically. Most are looking online now, numerous dating sites and apps to show you “singles in your area” to “chat up” and hope you can get along well enough, or find enough to talk about to eventually meet to have a beverage together. The usual first date for someone looking for a relationship. This way, we don’t have to sit through a meal if we don’t like them after all, or worry much about who is paying. We sure don’t want to waste any of our time with a stranger while we’re looking for “The one” if we don’t find them attractive or interesting right away, or they aren’t wearing the right kind of shoes.
So many unspoken rules about what to talk about, what to wear, when to message back what pictures attract more swipes in the right direction and so on. We find ourselves having to market ourselves like a 2 minute commercial. Grab them in that first few seconds or it’s a ‘Nope’ for you. “To bad, so sad….” “Sorry not sorry” and then the “ghosting”. People don’t care because it’s a picture on a screen, not a “real” person that they might see in passing again. There are bots/catfish/scams/spam on those sites as well – it’s all too much! We see it all the time, people are frustrated! Many are alone, not by choice, or just have resigned to getting some human contact and physical intimacy here and there rather than continue to look for something more substantial. Which is fine if that’s consensual and what both parties want at that time, but this is about those that are looking for a relationship, or even love.
Finding Love
Dating has become more about a pick-up, or a “hook-up” and if you are looking for that one true love to marry, or to settle down with a committed partner, you must kiss many more frogs than you used to have to go through. You need to be wise to the ways of the scams, have a tough skin and strong stomach for the seasoned catfishers and unsolicited pictures of body parts from strangers.
So how did we date before the internet? We met through work, or friends or family, or we knew these people from school, or in our neighborhoods and saw them over the years.
How do we navigate this in a mature, and effective way to find true love, and a lasting committed relationship in today’s online dating world?
I thoroughly believe we need to get clear on what we want out of a relationship, write it down, read it over and be clear. Dream big, this is your “if I won the lottery” dream of relationships. Don’t settle for anything less. This does not mean don’t go out with anyone who may not fully fit the bill, but definitely don’t go out with the one who is cute or rich or whatever because you’re lonely, even though they have many red flags. Be honest with yourself and others as well as the universe. Be sure your actions and relationship goals match, so the universe knows that you are serious. Show your subconscious, your inner self that you know what you want and are ready for it.
Remember you have to do something different to get different results. Hypnotherapy can help you to release the pain and disappointments from the past. Let go of anger, regret, and finally move on. Hypnotherapy will help you to focus on the best relationship for you, and become a beacon of light to attract that which you are showing the universe you are ready for.
I believe navigating the dating apps and social media etc is going to be different depending on location, age group, and other factors. I do not have the answers where to find love, or how to go about looking for it. I do not believe that by frantically searching is going to help.
However, that if you put it out there, be clear, and work on the negativity from the past relationships, will allow you to attract that one true love.
Hypnotherapy will help you to let go of the negativity from the past, and focus on what you truly want in a relationship.
Why do some men hide their emotions? I certainly don’t want to generalize, many men are very open emotionally, and share with their loved ones and even seek professional help when needed. However the sad fact is that still, many men hide their emotions.
Here are some thoughts on some of the reasons….
Men and boys have been encouraged and programed to be emotionless. Going back to the days of cavemen, when they had to protect the family, elders, and maybe even a community, from wildlife and other dangers. Men were the hunters and protectors. Facing danger daily and comforting others, helping them to feel secure and safe. Even if he himself was afraid.
This has been passed down over all these years. Men have had a hard time through history showing and sharing emotions.
This leaves modern day women wondering why he is “emotionally unavailable” or as the title asks, “why can’t you share your emotions?”
This too, has been going on for years in civilization as the roles have equalized somewhat.
Men are taught to hide their emotions
We have been conditioning our boys from way back. “Man up” “big boys don’t cry” and many other hurtful comments that are meant to give strength to the men but more often than not is just doing more harm than good in these modern times.
This can lead to some men shutting down, being emotionally unavailable, or being uncomfortable around the emotions of others. Worst case scenario many have turned to alcohol or drugs to numb the feelings, diseases can start from knots in the stomach with pent up emotions and holding on to hurts, and emotional pain for a very long time.
We need to be very aware of how we speak to boys. Be aware of ourselves what our own expectations are with the men in our lives. To be open and encouraging to the men in our lives to show their emotions. Pressure or pushing won’t help, these emotional blocks run deep. A kind “I Know you’re hurting, I’m here if you need to let it out” “it’s okay to let it out, I’m here for you, you’re safe with me, I love you” Remind the men in your life that you are their partner, to share the load and they can take a mental health day, they can go for help if needed.
Recognize when anger, avoidance/distance, or heavy drinking may be a cry for help, or at least a sign of emotions that he just doesn’t know what to do with.
There has been a recent shift in many areas, and groups, and this is great! However it’s slow going, because these sayings and expectations are so deeply ingrained from so far back.
We need to do better for the emotional wellbeing of all. Children, wives, mothers, friends and other family, have all been deeply hurt by the lack of, or avoidance of emotions by the men in their lives, not to mention the men themselves. This is by no means to suggest all men have these same issues, there are many men very emotionally comfortable and available.
We are all connected and by healing ourselves, we help to heal others.
We can work on this by being comfortable when others show emotions, just comfort the other with your presence or a hug, no need to try to get them to stop or make them laugh or offer a distraction. Allow the emotions to come through, and just “hold space” in honor of them. Be careful not to sound like your dad or grandfather or a coach, when another man or boy is trying to hide their emotions or shed a tear. Sometimes words come out almost on autopilot, be sure they get filtered before they are allowed out of the mouth and into the mind of another.
Do this for yourself as well. It does take practice and may be very uncomfortable at first, but the more you do this, the easier it becomes.
As you become comfortable with the emotions of others, you eventually become comfortable with your own. You then become an example and model for others, and the younger generations. We often plant seeds unknowingly. The smallest action, word or lack thereof, can change lives.
I have great faith in the power of hypnotherapy. Phone sessions help those that may otherwise shy away from seeking help or any form of therapy.
Hypnotherapy helps to facilitate deep transformations, without having to relive or tell all. You will go deep within, it’s an inside job, not something you put out on the table to get answers from another. Hypnotherapy helps untie knots that are so deep and that go so far back, you may not even realize they are there, until you feel the relief after they are untied.
Sessions are available evenings and weekends, over the phone or zoom in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Please see the testimonials page, most of those are from phone sessions. Consultations are always free and will include a basic sample session upon request. Use the contact form on the home page or email me directly at Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com to schedule your free consultation.
Please always feel free to contact me with any questions you may have. I’d love to hear what you think about this article, or the others. What have you found to be helpful?
Thank you so much for being here, and for reading.
Although Hypnotherapy may be seen as new-age, it really has long and varied roots. As mentioned in last week’s article “Why is there a stigma about hypnosis? Is Hypnotherapy safe?”, hypnosis has been utilized since at least the 1800’s and possibly even further back for treatments in mental and physical health; as well as other, more mystical events, under other names.
A Mesmerist Uses Animal Magnetism on a Patient. Photo credit below.
Mesmer
One such name is “Mesmerism”. Franz Mesmer in the nineteenth century had positive results with patients in trance. He believed he was ‘recharging’ his patients’ magnetic field with his own “animal magnetism”. His techniques included using a series of hand passes over the body, combined with ‘eye fixations’ where his subjects are directed to follow the hand passes.
What he was doing was a form of hypnosis, although he perceived it to be something within his own body being transferred. He was later accused of fraud.
The public believed he may have been using the occult, or working with spirits. He was somewhat eccentric, and would host events and shows with large groups that had less to do with any type of healing than with stage hypnosis or even spiritualism events.
However, later, surgeons would revisit some of Mesmer’s techniques for pain relief during surgery, including amputations. Hypnotherapy continues to be researched and used in some cases of surgery and medical treatments.
Braid
James Braid is known as the “Father of Hypnosis”. A surgeon in the 1800’s, Dr. Braid advanced Hypnosis in both science and medicine.
Braid had his subjects intently focus on mirrors or candle flames, and other shiny objects to exhaust the eyes for them to close, not into sleep, but trance. He mistakenly saw this as a form of sleep, where the subject was aware enough to leave the subconscious open to positive suggestions.
Finding great success, he wrote “Neurypnology”, meaning nervous sleep. The name he coined later evolved into ‘Hypnosis’, from the Greek God of sleep, Hypnos.
There is a fun fable of Hypnos, but basically it’s about an inner knowing deep within us that we would always be in search of, but may never find if it was hidden within us. This inner knowing, or light or wisdom, is of course, our subconscious.
Freud, Other Pioneers
There are many notable names to research in the history of Hypnotherapy. Just to name a few here, Pierre Janet, Clark L. Hull, Sigmund Freud.
Freud studied hypnosis, and dismissed it. He was more interested in free association techniques.
Another significant name is Emile Coué,who is known for utilizing, “Day by day in every way I am getting better and better.” as a suggestion one could use for self-hypnosis, or as an affirmation. He was one of the first to recognize and utilize imagination in hypnosis; also to note that the subject could participate in hypnosis.
Clark Hull is noted to have led the first large scale study of Hypnotherapy at the University of Wisconsin. One of his students was Milton Erikson.
Erikson
Considering modern-day concepts of Hypnosis, most think right away of Milton Erikson. He took a different approach, using conversational hypnosis, utilizing voice patterns in conversations with eyes remaining open.
Erikson understood that the importance of the outcome to the subject is what made the difference in how effective the hypnosis session was.
I believe this is basically saying you can’t help someone to feel better, who doesn’t want it for themselves.
Elman the Showman and Modern Times
Dave Elman is another notable name. He developed quick inductions with techniques similar to Mesmer. He could induce trance within seconds.
Elman was a noted American radio host, comedian and songwriter, more interested in furthering his stage act than entertaining any thoughts of therapy.
Elman eventually realized his stage tricks had the potential for a more therapeutic model, hence the name Hypno-therapy.
During the second world war, Hypnosis was used on a wide scale for psychological and mental trauma.
Research of techniques, training for and schools of hypnotherapy have been widespread since that time.
Certification boards have developed to regulate the instruction of, and training in, hypnotherapy. These entities seek to move public perception from the stigma of stage hypnosis and mystical mind control, into a mental health tool and modality complementary to medical treatments.
There is much more to the story of hypnotherapy! It is so fascinating, there is such a rabbit hole of information to jump into. This article is just a basic rundown, by no means more than just scratching the surface.
Hypnotherapy is such an amazing and powerful tool for a holistic, deep healing that the potential is endless. New studies and research are ongoing.
I’m proud to be here to offer hypnotherapy to virtually anyone anywhere.
Please check the other pages here on the website for more information and as always feel free to contact me with any questions, your thoughts on this article or of course to schedule your free phone consultation. Pamlea CHt Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com
Photo credits:
V0011094EB A Mesmerist using Animal Magnetism on a female patient
Credit: Wellcome Library, London. Wellcome Images images@wellcome.ac.uk http://wellcomeimages.org A Mesmerist using Animal Magnetism on a woman who responds with convulsions . Wood engraving. Mesmer, Franz Anton 1734-1815. Wood engraving c.1845 Published: -Copyrighted work available under Creative Commons Attribution only licence CC BY 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
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