Why do some men hide their emotions? I certainly don’t want to generalize, many men are very open emotionally, and share with their loved ones and even seek professional help when needed. However the sad fact is that still, many men hide their emotions.
Here are some thoughts on some of the reasons….
Men and boys have been encouraged and programed to be emotionless. Going back to the days of cavemen, when they had to protect the family, elders, and maybe even a community, from wildlife and other dangers. Men were the hunters and protectors. Facing danger daily and comforting others, helping them to feel secure and safe. Even if he himself was afraid.
This has been passed down over all these years. Men have had a hard time through history showing and sharing emotions.
This leaves modern day women wondering why he is “emotionally unavailable” or as the title asks, “why can’t you share your emotions?”
This too, has been going on for years in civilization as the roles have equalized somewhat.
We have been conditioning our boys from way back. “Man up” “big boys don’t cry” and many other hurtful comments that are meant to give strength to the men but more often than not is just doing more harm than good in these modern times.
This can lead to some men shutting down, being emotionally unavailable, or being uncomfortable around the emotions of others. Worst case scenario many have turned to alcohol or drugs to numb the feelings, diseases can start from knots in the stomach with pent up emotions and holding on to hurts, and emotional pain for a very long time.
We need to be very aware of how we speak to boys. Be aware of ourselves what our own expectations are with the men in our lives. To be open and encouraging to the men in our lives to show their emotions. Pressure or pushing won’t help, these emotional blocks run deep. A kind “I Know you’re hurting, I’m here if you need to let it out” “it’s okay to let it out, I’m here for you, you’re safe with me, I love you” Remind the men in your life that you are their partner, to share the load and they can take a mental health day, they can go for help if needed.
Recognize when anger, avoidance/distance, or heavy drinking may be a cry for help, or at least a sign of emotions that he just doesn’t know what to do with.
There has been a recent shift in many areas, and groups, and this is great! However it’s slow going, because these sayings and expectations are so deeply ingrained from so far back.
We need to do better for the emotional wellbeing of all. Children, wives, mothers, friends and other family, have all been deeply hurt by the lack of, or avoidance of emotions by the men in their lives, not to mention the men themselves. This is by no means to suggest all men have these same issues, there are many men very emotionally comfortable and available.
We are all connected and by healing ourselves, we help to heal others.
We can work on this by being comfortable when others show emotions, just comfort the other with your presence or a hug, no need to try to get them to stop or make them laugh or offer a distraction. Allow the emotions to come through, and just “hold space” in honor of them. Be careful not to sound like your dad or grandfather or a coach, when another man or boy is trying to hide their emotions or shed a tear. Sometimes words come out almost on autopilot, be sure they get filtered before they are allowed out of the mouth and into the mind of another.
Do this for yourself as well. It does take practice and may be very uncomfortable at first, but the more you do this, the easier it becomes.
As you become comfortable with the emotions of others, you eventually become comfortable with your own. You then become an example and model for others, and the younger generations. We often plant seeds unknowingly. The smallest action, word or lack thereof, can change lives.
I have great faith in the power of hypnotherapy. Phone sessions help those that may otherwise shy away from seeking help or any form of therapy.
Hypnotherapy helps to facilitate deep transformations, without having to relive or tell all. You will go deep within, it’s an inside job, not something you put out on the table to get answers from another. Hypnotherapy helps untie knots that are so deep and that go so far back, you may not even realize they are there, until you feel the relief after they are untied.
Sessions are available evenings and weekends, over the phone or zoom in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Please see the testimonials page, most of those are from phone sessions. Consultations are always free and will include a basic sample session upon request. Use the contact form on the home page or email me directly at Pamela@HypnoBreakthrough.com to schedule your free consultation.
Please always feel free to contact me with any questions you may have. I’d love to hear what you think about this article, or the others. What have you found to be helpful?
Thank you so much for being here, and for reading.
Pamela Topjian CHt
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