The perfect parent doesn’t exist!

I know some may think they’re the perfect parent, and they’ll give all kinds of advice. This writing is not about parenting advice, or how to be the perfect parent.

I’ve decided to write about this since lately I’ve noticed quite a few people talking about and  posting about being worried that they are (or have) negatively affecting their kids mental health; having made mistakes in the lives of their children, or possibly even causing trauma for their children.

As parents we want the best for our kids. We want them to have a better life than we had. We just want them to be well adjusted, happy, productive citizens. Above all, we want them to know they are loved. We can’t help but to worry about our own shortcomings as parents, or even mental challenges, and illnesses causing excess stress, or undo harm to our children. 

Well, I’m here to remind you that nobody is perfect, the perfect parent doesn’t exist, because the perfect person doesn’t exist. Please don’t be so hard on yourselves. 

We have to realize that even though we don’t want to see our children go through anything hard,  sometimes hard times make us stronger, more compassionate and wiser. The most amazing people I know have been through some trauma, and come through on the other side of it all as such inspirational, wise and strong people. Many have made it through, to be a voice for those suffering, or become professionals that help those going through similar situations that they went through. 

It’s so hard, as you’re going through something, to try to keep that from having an effect on our loved ones. It’s even harder to stand back and watch our children go through something tough, knowing that tough love or learning through experience is really the best way. Of course our babies are born and we love them unconditionally. We are hardwired to protect them, but there is a fine line, a balance to try to keep. 

We want to avoid the ‘hot house flower’ effect. The extremes of the ‘helicopter parent’ and the neglectful parent. It’s hard to keep that balance sometimes. Especially if we, as parents didn’t have a good childhood ourselves. 

It’s unbelievable that we can just have this huge responsibility without any training or testing  other than our own lives. 

It’s okay to admit mistakes, and admit you did or said something you shouldn’t have to your children. It’s a very good practice, in fact, no matter if the children are six or sixteen ( or even 36) to have a conversation about stress and making mistakes and how hindsight works. Mistakes and apologies are great teachers. We want our children to know we are only human and we realize that we have lived and learned and had some hard times and may have said or done things we regret or could have handled differently. I think children respect that honesty and it helps build trust, as well as showing our children we understand mistakes are made and how important apologies are. 

There is a saying that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” I don’t agree at all. We are all only human and human nature is not perfect. Life can get stressful and mental issues are prevalent. Honesty and apologies are showing love. Love is saying your sorry when you make a mistake or even years later when you realize how your actions or words could have been handled differently to lessen the harmful effects on others. 

There are practices to help with forgiveness that I wrote in a previous article: How Can I Forgive. Mainly about forgiving ourselves.  In Hypnotherapy we can learn to forgive ourselves or our own childhood issues with inner child work. Of course Hypnotherapy is not the only way in which to do this. Please always remember, when it comes to therapy or treatments of any kind, there is never one type that works for all.

Thank you so much for being here. I love hearing from you all. What did you think about this article? Any suggestions for future articles? Always feel free to reach out with any questions, comments or concerns, OR to schedule your free consultation to find out how Breakthrough Hypnotherapy can help you.

Please take care, inside and out. Pamela Topjian, LVN, CHt